Opening Segment
The intro plays out, but is immedietly cut off by "Welcome Home" By Coheed and Cambria. He comes storming out from the back with a pissed off look on his face. he storms down to the ring, rolls in, pops to his feet, and demands a microphone.
Kuk Killswitch:"STATIC! You motherfucking stupid piece of dog shit! I should've known not to trust you! I should've known that you couldn't just walk away like that! Every time we are in the ring together or even around each other you can't be trusted! All of you stupid motherfuckers that stand side by side with that degenerate better watch your back because when you've fulfilled your purpose with Static.......he'll toss you aside like you don't even matter!"
Kuk begins to pace back and forth.
Kuk Killswitch:"Static, you made a mistake last week when you decided to get your little Mafia to attack me. You could've just left the ring and made your way to the back. We would've been done. But then you had to do that! Static, you've always been a backstabbing, self conceited, piece of trash! You only care about three things. You , yourself, and keeping SPW alive."
Kuk looks to the back and grins.
Kuk Killswitch:"Well Static, I got a little challenge for you at the PPV next weekend! You bring the toughest crew you can and I'll find myself some tag team partners. Four on Four Elimination style match at the PPV! You win, you can take another HWA star. But if we win.....WE CAN TAKE ALL OF THEM!"
The crowd cheers for the challenge. Kuk simply smirks before continuing.
Kuk Killswitch:"I'll be waiting for your answer Static. You wanted a war.....YOU FUCKIN' GOT ONE!"
Killswitch drops the mic and exits the ring before heading to the back.
Kuk Killswitch:"STATIC! You motherfucking stupid piece of dog shit! I should've known not to trust you! I should've known that you couldn't just walk away like that! Every time we are in the ring together or even around each other you can't be trusted! All of you stupid motherfuckers that stand side by side with that degenerate better watch your back because when you've fulfilled your purpose with Static.......he'll toss you aside like you don't even matter!"
Kuk begins to pace back and forth.
Kuk Killswitch:"Static, you made a mistake last week when you decided to get your little Mafia to attack me. You could've just left the ring and made your way to the back. We would've been done. But then you had to do that! Static, you've always been a backstabbing, self conceited, piece of trash! You only care about three things. You , yourself, and keeping SPW alive."
Kuk looks to the back and grins.
Kuk Killswitch:"Well Static, I got a little challenge for you at the PPV next weekend! You bring the toughest crew you can and I'll find myself some tag team partners. Four on Four Elimination style match at the PPV! You win, you can take another HWA star. But if we win.....WE CAN TAKE ALL OF THEM!"
The crowd cheers for the challenge. Kuk simply smirks before continuing.
Kuk Killswitch:"I'll be waiting for your answer Static. You wanted a war.....YOU FUCKIN' GOT ONE!"
Killswitch drops the mic and exits the ring before heading to the back.
Tag Team Match
The Cosmic Carnival vs. The Empire
"Mr Cool" Charles Madden:"Your opening contest is a tag team match scheduled for one fall!! Introducing first....."
"Bow Down" by Westside Connection hits and the intro is plays out then the beat drops out comes Shaw a mountain of muscle with creed on his back. then creed hops down and jumps around yelling. They both pose on the ramp before continuing down to the ring, yelling at fans the whole time.
they get to the ring as Shaw walks up the steps and creed hops on the apron and climbs the turnbuckle. They both walk tot he middle of the ring and stand shoulder to shoulder before throwing up an "E". They stand in the corner, eagerly awaiting destruction.
"Mr Cool" Charles Madden:"And their opponents......"
they get to the ring as Shaw walks up the steps and creed hops on the apron and climbs the turnbuckle. They both walk tot he middle of the ring and stand shoulder to shoulder before throwing up an "E". They stand in the corner, eagerly awaiting destruction.
"Mr Cool" Charles Madden:"And their opponents......"
The titantron shows a UFO speeding towards the Earth. It hits ground at a Carnival before the smoke clears and we come to the arena where a glow comes from the backstage area. We see a ramp extend from the backstage area before "NSP Theme Song" By NSP hits and the Cosmic Carnival come out on the UFO ramp. Sid and Zany look around the arena as the fans cheer massively for the unique duo! Zany does a cartwheel before sliding through the legs of Sid and looking around on all fours as Sid throws a fist in the air and yells. The duo begin down the ramp, Sid slapping eager hands and Zany handing out balloons!
They come to the ring as Sid begins asking for a pair of panties from a female fan. Zany looks around before taking notice and grabbing Sid by the neck and whipping him into the ring. Sid pops to his feet and climbs the turnbuckle as Zany slides in and chases the referee around before hoping on the turnbuckle himself and waving tot he crowd. He takes off his jacket as Sid hops down and stands in front on Zany who bounces up and down on the top turnbuckle, laughing.
The Bell rings to start this match!!
DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!
Match Summery: As the bell rings we have Tyson Shaw in the ring with Sid. They circle before locking up and Shaw immedietly shoves back Sid. Sid does a backwards roll and gets to his feet before going after SHaw again. This time Shaw catches him and launches him across the ring with an overhead belly to belly toss. Sid lands on his feet and turns around right into a shoulder to the gut, sending him into the corner. Shaw nails a few shoulder thrusts before holding Sid back and hitting him with a frying pan chop to the chest. The chop rings through the arena as Shaw grabs Sid by the mask and drags him to the corner before tagging in Creed. Creed nails him in the gut before tossing him to the ground with an amateur wrestling slam. Sid tries to crawl to a tag, but Creed simply pulls him back to the middle of the ring before nailing him with a side kick.
Creed has Sid down in the ring and lifts him up by the mask. He whips him into the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Sid ducks and nails a Pele kick to the back of Creed's head! Both men are down and the ref begins to count. The crowd is cheering for Zany before the ref gets to 8 and Sid tags in Zany as Creed tags in Shaw. Zany comes in and takes down Shaw with a clothesline. Creed comes back in and Zany takes him down with a clothesline. Shaw is up and catches a spinning back kick to the gut before Zany rebounds off the ropes and nails him with a basement dropkick to the head! Zany then grabs his umbrella from the outside and laughs as he climbs the top rope before walking across it with the umbrella open. He comes to the middle of the ropes before dropping the umbrella and leaping off, going for a springboard leg drop! He lands it and covers, but Shaw kicks out at 2. Zany points to Sid and tags him in as Sid lifts up Shaw on his shoulders and spins around before dropping him ass first on his knee. Zany climbs the ropes and looks to jump off, but Creed climbs the apron and shoves Zany off, causing him to fly out of the ring and bounce off the guardrail. Creed slides in the ring and Sid turns right into a superkick from Creed! This causes Sid to spin around right into the awaiting arms of Shaw who nails the Sky high! He covers! 1...2....3!!!!
Winner: The Empire via Pinfall
Match Highlights: N/A
After Match: Shaw and Creed celebrate in the ring together. Creed running around the ring acting crazy as Shaw looks dominate in the middle of the ring. They stand in the middle and throw up the "E" symbol before exiting to the ring and walking to the back.
They come to the ring as Sid begins asking for a pair of panties from a female fan. Zany looks around before taking notice and grabbing Sid by the neck and whipping him into the ring. Sid pops to his feet and climbs the turnbuckle as Zany slides in and chases the referee around before hoping on the turnbuckle himself and waving tot he crowd. He takes off his jacket as Sid hops down and stands in front on Zany who bounces up and down on the top turnbuckle, laughing.
The Bell rings to start this match!!
DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!
Match Summery: As the bell rings we have Tyson Shaw in the ring with Sid. They circle before locking up and Shaw immedietly shoves back Sid. Sid does a backwards roll and gets to his feet before going after SHaw again. This time Shaw catches him and launches him across the ring with an overhead belly to belly toss. Sid lands on his feet and turns around right into a shoulder to the gut, sending him into the corner. Shaw nails a few shoulder thrusts before holding Sid back and hitting him with a frying pan chop to the chest. The chop rings through the arena as Shaw grabs Sid by the mask and drags him to the corner before tagging in Creed. Creed nails him in the gut before tossing him to the ground with an amateur wrestling slam. Sid tries to crawl to a tag, but Creed simply pulls him back to the middle of the ring before nailing him with a side kick.
Creed has Sid down in the ring and lifts him up by the mask. He whips him into the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Sid ducks and nails a Pele kick to the back of Creed's head! Both men are down and the ref begins to count. The crowd is cheering for Zany before the ref gets to 8 and Sid tags in Zany as Creed tags in Shaw. Zany comes in and takes down Shaw with a clothesline. Creed comes back in and Zany takes him down with a clothesline. Shaw is up and catches a spinning back kick to the gut before Zany rebounds off the ropes and nails him with a basement dropkick to the head! Zany then grabs his umbrella from the outside and laughs as he climbs the top rope before walking across it with the umbrella open. He comes to the middle of the ropes before dropping the umbrella and leaping off, going for a springboard leg drop! He lands it and covers, but Shaw kicks out at 2. Zany points to Sid and tags him in as Sid lifts up Shaw on his shoulders and spins around before dropping him ass first on his knee. Zany climbs the ropes and looks to jump off, but Creed climbs the apron and shoves Zany off, causing him to fly out of the ring and bounce off the guardrail. Creed slides in the ring and Sid turns right into a superkick from Creed! This causes Sid to spin around right into the awaiting arms of Shaw who nails the Sky high! He covers! 1...2....3!!!!
Winner: The Empire via Pinfall
Match Highlights: N/A
After Match: Shaw and Creed celebrate in the ring together. Creed running around the ring acting crazy as Shaw looks dominate in the middle of the ring. They stand in the middle and throw up the "E" symbol before exiting to the ring and walking to the back.
Segment
Help From A Stranger
We cut backstage to where Aurora is preparing in her locker room for her match later tonight against Jacob Cass. She stands in the middle of the room in a warrior two yoga position, her eyes closed as deep breaths leave her lips. She looks to be in a deep state of meditation before her phone goes off in the corner of the room bringing a groan to her lips. Crossing the room she answers as a slight taste of acidity seeps from her lips.
Aurora: Hello?!
The voice coming through from the other end is too faint for us to pick up but it’s clear from the facial change that the message coming through isn’t exactly welcoming the harsh tone they received.
Aurora: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I was just in the middle of…
She’s cut off abruptly as she glances at the camera before turning her face from view as an exchange of whispers can be faintly heard but nothing audible enough to translate. Finally she turns back into view as she rests on the couch against the wall.
Aurora: You promise you’ll be here then? The pay per view is coming up, I can’t do this without….no I know Yakima is there but we already went through this. I need you here, it’s been killing me not being able to use what you’ve told me…..Why can’t I? Because it’s going to raise red flags if I start stating facts I shouldn’t know!....Sorry, I didn’t mean to....I do trust you but….
The tension was riding on a roller coaster in the room as Aurora face showed the signs of many different emotions.
Aurora: I can do the match tonight myself, I’ll be fine. I mean after Yakima got hurt last week….yes I know it had to happen….again I do trust you, just promise me you’ll be there for my match when I need you….ok, yeah I’ll see you tonight….you too, bye.
The camera starts to leave as Aurora stands staring past the camera to the cameraman as her eyes have become filled with a state of deviousness.
Aurora: You get all that?
A slight nod from the camera is all that can be seen as she walks to her door closing it shut before turning the lock behind her leaving one huge questioned unanswered…who was she talking to?
The camera cuts to black leaving us in darkness before we return to the ring for our next match.
Aurora: Hello?!
The voice coming through from the other end is too faint for us to pick up but it’s clear from the facial change that the message coming through isn’t exactly welcoming the harsh tone they received.
Aurora: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I was just in the middle of…
She’s cut off abruptly as she glances at the camera before turning her face from view as an exchange of whispers can be faintly heard but nothing audible enough to translate. Finally she turns back into view as she rests on the couch against the wall.
Aurora: You promise you’ll be here then? The pay per view is coming up, I can’t do this without….no I know Yakima is there but we already went through this. I need you here, it’s been killing me not being able to use what you’ve told me…..Why can’t I? Because it’s going to raise red flags if I start stating facts I shouldn’t know!....Sorry, I didn’t mean to....I do trust you but….
The tension was riding on a roller coaster in the room as Aurora face showed the signs of many different emotions.
Aurora: I can do the match tonight myself, I’ll be fine. I mean after Yakima got hurt last week….yes I know it had to happen….again I do trust you, just promise me you’ll be there for my match when I need you….ok, yeah I’ll see you tonight….you too, bye.
The camera starts to leave as Aurora stands staring past the camera to the cameraman as her eyes have become filled with a state of deviousness.
Aurora: You get all that?
A slight nod from the camera is all that can be seen as she walks to her door closing it shut before turning the lock behind her leaving one huge questioned unanswered…who was she talking to?
The camera cuts to black leaving us in darkness before we return to the ring for our next match.
Singles Match
Missy Paige vs. Laila Maria
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first....."
"Sickness and Sorrow" by Champagne Charade hits and smoke comes from the top of the ramp. When the words hit, Missy Paige comes out from the back with a stoic look on her face. She looks around before throwing up the metal horns in her right hand and stretching her left leg out to the side and bending down a little. She hops back up up to her feet and begins to walk down the ramp, arguing with the fans.
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"weighing in at 150 Pounds, hailing from Newark, New Jersey, she is the SiCk BitCh, MISSSYYYY PAAAIIGGGEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Missy slides into the ring and get's to her feet. She hops up on the turnbuckle and points out to the crowd before throwing up the metal horns in her right hand again. She hops down and begins to stretch in the corner, waiting for the match to begin.
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"And her opponent....."
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"weighing in at 150 Pounds, hailing from Newark, New Jersey, she is the SiCk BitCh, MISSSYYYY PAAAIIGGGEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Missy slides into the ring and get's to her feet. She hops up on the turnbuckle and points out to the crowd before throwing up the metal horns in her right hand again. She hops down and begins to stretch in the corner, waiting for the match to begin.
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"And her opponent....."
"5 Star" By Yo Gotti hits before the beat drops and the song plays out. smoke comes up through the stage and fireworks explode before Laila comes out from the back. She begins strutting around saying "I'm the baddest bitch today". She then walks to the ring flipping her hair and looking in disgust at the fans.
She then shows one of Cory arson's shirts off before she takes off her jacket and gets in the ring and jumps on the rope and in the corner. She poses then hops down and waits for the bell.
The Bell rings to start this match!!
DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!
Match Summary: The match begins as the two women lock up, a test of strength proves null as they break apart each woman sizing up the other before locking up once again. Laila is able to take the upper hand putting Missy in a side headlock, tightening the grip until Paige is forced to one knee. Pulling at the arm of Laila brings no relief as she begins throwing elbows to the ribs and stomach of Marie causing her to loosen the grip just enough for Missy to push her into the ropes, catching her with a stiff clothesline as she comes back. Missy goes for the quick pin unsuccessfully coming up with a one and a half as Laila makes it clear it’s going to take more than that to take down the First Lady of The Empire. Moving to her knees Missy once again tries to take the upper hand by connecting with a kick to the stomach before inadvertently catching her in the face with a second kick causing Laila to go back down. Taking the opening Paige goes for a pin but doesn’t even get a one before Laila kicks out once again. Missy hits the mat frustrated before she stands looking back at Marie who has made it back to her feet. Lifting a hand Laila brushes her lip leaving a swatch of red smeared across the back of her hand as a fiery rage shows in her eyes. All hell breaks loose as Laila charges Missy, tackling her to the ground as she comes off with a relentless string of punches before the ref pulls her off yelling at her that’s enough. Marie ignores the warning going back at Paige as she gets caught with a drop kick sending her flying to the outside of the ring.
As the match has progressed the two women are standing in the middle of the ring trading hits one after another as they both stumble between the punches, showing clear signs of fatigue from the brutal match that has transpired. Hints of blood are speckled on both women as it’s clear they have both refused to let the other get an easy win. The end comes closer though when Laila musters up enough strength to catch Missy with a super kick sending her to the mat. She refuses to go for the pin though as Missy has already began to stir, backing up she sizes up her prey, waiting for just the right moment as she catches her with a hard kick to the stomach before grabbing her hair and slamming her backwards to the mat. Missy arches her back in pain as Laila grabs her once again by the hair pulling her to her feet, wrapping her arm around her neck she pulls her back as she looks out to the crowd with a cruel smirk covering her lips before she executes “Break a Bitch” with ease before going for the pin. 1..2..3..
Winner: Laila via pinfall
Match Highlights: N/A
After the Match: After the bell Laila celebrates in the ring before asking for a microphone.
Laila Marie:"I'm the baddest bitch in the HWA! And If any of you little girls in the back think you can beat me, you better think twice. Bow down to the Empire!"
Laila drops the mic and exits the ring before heading to the back.
(THANKS TO CHELSEA FOR WRITING THIS!!!!)
She then shows one of Cory arson's shirts off before she takes off her jacket and gets in the ring and jumps on the rope and in the corner. She poses then hops down and waits for the bell.
The Bell rings to start this match!!
DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!
Match Summary: The match begins as the two women lock up, a test of strength proves null as they break apart each woman sizing up the other before locking up once again. Laila is able to take the upper hand putting Missy in a side headlock, tightening the grip until Paige is forced to one knee. Pulling at the arm of Laila brings no relief as she begins throwing elbows to the ribs and stomach of Marie causing her to loosen the grip just enough for Missy to push her into the ropes, catching her with a stiff clothesline as she comes back. Missy goes for the quick pin unsuccessfully coming up with a one and a half as Laila makes it clear it’s going to take more than that to take down the First Lady of The Empire. Moving to her knees Missy once again tries to take the upper hand by connecting with a kick to the stomach before inadvertently catching her in the face with a second kick causing Laila to go back down. Taking the opening Paige goes for a pin but doesn’t even get a one before Laila kicks out once again. Missy hits the mat frustrated before she stands looking back at Marie who has made it back to her feet. Lifting a hand Laila brushes her lip leaving a swatch of red smeared across the back of her hand as a fiery rage shows in her eyes. All hell breaks loose as Laila charges Missy, tackling her to the ground as she comes off with a relentless string of punches before the ref pulls her off yelling at her that’s enough. Marie ignores the warning going back at Paige as she gets caught with a drop kick sending her flying to the outside of the ring.
As the match has progressed the two women are standing in the middle of the ring trading hits one after another as they both stumble between the punches, showing clear signs of fatigue from the brutal match that has transpired. Hints of blood are speckled on both women as it’s clear they have both refused to let the other get an easy win. The end comes closer though when Laila musters up enough strength to catch Missy with a super kick sending her to the mat. She refuses to go for the pin though as Missy has already began to stir, backing up she sizes up her prey, waiting for just the right moment as she catches her with a hard kick to the stomach before grabbing her hair and slamming her backwards to the mat. Missy arches her back in pain as Laila grabs her once again by the hair pulling her to her feet, wrapping her arm around her neck she pulls her back as she looks out to the crowd with a cruel smirk covering her lips before she executes “Break a Bitch” with ease before going for the pin. 1..2..3..
Winner: Laila via pinfall
Match Highlights: N/A
After the Match: After the bell Laila celebrates in the ring before asking for a microphone.
Laila Marie:"I'm the baddest bitch in the HWA! And If any of you little girls in the back think you can beat me, you better think twice. Bow down to the Empire!"
Laila drops the mic and exits the ring before heading to the back.
(THANKS TO CHELSEA FOR WRITING THIS!!!!)
Segment
The World's Sexiest Man Championship?
The scene fades in on a close up of the world heavyweight championship. The camera pans back slightly revealing.. a short black skirt and a matching black bra. The woman lets out an airheadish laugh as we see two men, world title contender Steven Osbourne and our former general manager Sleaze looking at the title belt around the waist of Amber Del Vallee.
Sleaze: I'm telling you bro. I look better in the belt. Gold is totally my color!
Steven shakes his head and lightly shoves his tag partner aside checking out his own reflection in the title belt instead.
Steven Osbourne: Nah man! You got it all wrong! Look at that reflection of perfection! The belt totally captures my good side.
Sleaze: We're never going to settle this are we?
Steven Osbourne: Because you can't see reason!
Sleaze: Dude, the glow off the oil I'm wearing matches up with the shine of the belt oh so well! But I know you can't see that. But I know someone who does. Veronica.. baby, who looks better in the belt's reflection?
Veronica Anderson walks over and shakes her head.
Veronica Anderson: Neither of you!
Steven and Sleaze look at each other then shrug.
Sleaze: You know she's right. Amber looks much better with that belt.
Steven Osbourne: Yeah but look at who the belt was with before. What isn't a step up. And chicks have been digging it all week. I mean no surprise there, chicks dig guys with rescue puppies. Why not rescue title belts? But then there's.. this one. And it's certainly not a rescue!
Steven holds up the world's sexiest man championship he was wearing around his waist, also known as the cock title, for obvious reasons.
Steven Osbourne: Kind of ironic isn't it? The belt that is currently owned by the Super Sexy Boogeyman Slayer, the World's Sexiest Man Championship, has a dick on the front of it. The world heavyweight champion is currently owned by someone who is a dick! Kind of makes you think don't it?
Veronica Anderson: How does that make you think?
Sleaze: Arson is a dick with penis envy obviously.
Steven Osbourne: See.. this man gets it.
Veronica Anderson: I can't believe there are two of you.
Steven Osbourne: Now c'mon Sleaze.. let's use the cock title and get us some ladies.
Sleaze thinks for a minute then flashes a slick smile.
Sleaze: Nah, man. I want it. Since you're the champion, you get first pick of the ladies. I want first pick. I challenge you!
Steven Osbourne: You're challenging me for my title? Right here? Right now?
Sleaze: Unless you're Cory Arson!
Steven Osbourne: No way! I have a set! I accept! What's the challenge?
Sleaze: As you know last week, you pinned Cory Arson with a roll up, as I was pinning Xavier Creed with a roll up.. this makes us the..
Together: MASTERS OF THE ROLL UP!
ADV: You guys like finish each other sentences.
Veronica Anderson: I'm going to need therapy.
Sleaze: But only one of us can be the greatest at the roll up! So we'll both roll someone up and whoever does it better wins.
Steven Osbourne: You're on! You're the challenger. You go first.
Sleaze thinks a second then turns out the lights. Steven flips them down on and notices Sleaze has rolled up the cameraman. He counts his own pin. 1...2...3!
Steven Osbourne: That was actually pretty good on the dirty trick scale.
Sleaze: I knew you'd like it. Now what's your play?
Steven turns towards the cameraman who edges towards a wall.. then he strikes.. spinning, grabbing and rolling up Amber. For the 1...2..... and SMACK! Veronica Anderson breaks up the pin slapping Steven hard across the face.
Veronica Anderson: What is wrong with you guys?
Sleaze meanwhile grabs the championship away from Steven and hugs Veronica then parades around the room doing a victory lap with his new championship.
Sleaze: I think I love you Veronica!
Veronica Anderson: I think I hate you more than Steven.
Sleaze: But you helped me win the title! Steven didn\t get the pin!
Steven Osbourne: Hold on.. hold on.. I dispute that.
Sleaze: Because I won because Veronica cheated?
Steven Osbourne: no, I liked it. I say I won even though I didn't get a pin.
Sleaze: That's ridicious. How could you have won?
Steven smiles savouring the memory.
Steven Osbourne: Amber wasn't wearing panties.
Sleaze: What? No way!
Sleaze goes over to Amber and lifts up her skirt, then eyes downcast returns the title to Steven. Veronica sighs.
ADV: What? I only have to take them off anyways.
Veronica Anderson: I weep for your future children.
Sleaze: Why they are going to be hot!
Steven Osbourne: I'm still the sexiest man in the world, I'm still the rightful world champion, and we got to see up Amber's skirt... seems like a great day to me Sleaze!
Sleaze: And I get the night off from wrestling so I can hit the bar early!
Steven Osbourne: After Glam Man and I finish off Scorpion and Cory Arson again.. I'll join you there! Because as always everything is coming up Osbourne!
Sleaze: I'm telling you bro. I look better in the belt. Gold is totally my color!
Steven shakes his head and lightly shoves his tag partner aside checking out his own reflection in the title belt instead.
Steven Osbourne: Nah man! You got it all wrong! Look at that reflection of perfection! The belt totally captures my good side.
Sleaze: We're never going to settle this are we?
Steven Osbourne: Because you can't see reason!
Sleaze: Dude, the glow off the oil I'm wearing matches up with the shine of the belt oh so well! But I know you can't see that. But I know someone who does. Veronica.. baby, who looks better in the belt's reflection?
Veronica Anderson walks over and shakes her head.
Veronica Anderson: Neither of you!
Steven and Sleaze look at each other then shrug.
Sleaze: You know she's right. Amber looks much better with that belt.
Steven Osbourne: Yeah but look at who the belt was with before. What isn't a step up. And chicks have been digging it all week. I mean no surprise there, chicks dig guys with rescue puppies. Why not rescue title belts? But then there's.. this one. And it's certainly not a rescue!
Steven holds up the world's sexiest man championship he was wearing around his waist, also known as the cock title, for obvious reasons.
Steven Osbourne: Kind of ironic isn't it? The belt that is currently owned by the Super Sexy Boogeyman Slayer, the World's Sexiest Man Championship, has a dick on the front of it. The world heavyweight champion is currently owned by someone who is a dick! Kind of makes you think don't it?
Veronica Anderson: How does that make you think?
Sleaze: Arson is a dick with penis envy obviously.
Steven Osbourne: See.. this man gets it.
Veronica Anderson: I can't believe there are two of you.
Steven Osbourne: Now c'mon Sleaze.. let's use the cock title and get us some ladies.
Sleaze thinks for a minute then flashes a slick smile.
Sleaze: Nah, man. I want it. Since you're the champion, you get first pick of the ladies. I want first pick. I challenge you!
Steven Osbourne: You're challenging me for my title? Right here? Right now?
Sleaze: Unless you're Cory Arson!
Steven Osbourne: No way! I have a set! I accept! What's the challenge?
Sleaze: As you know last week, you pinned Cory Arson with a roll up, as I was pinning Xavier Creed with a roll up.. this makes us the..
Together: MASTERS OF THE ROLL UP!
ADV: You guys like finish each other sentences.
Veronica Anderson: I'm going to need therapy.
Sleaze: But only one of us can be the greatest at the roll up! So we'll both roll someone up and whoever does it better wins.
Steven Osbourne: You're on! You're the challenger. You go first.
Sleaze thinks a second then turns out the lights. Steven flips them down on and notices Sleaze has rolled up the cameraman. He counts his own pin. 1...2...3!
Steven Osbourne: That was actually pretty good on the dirty trick scale.
Sleaze: I knew you'd like it. Now what's your play?
Steven turns towards the cameraman who edges towards a wall.. then he strikes.. spinning, grabbing and rolling up Amber. For the 1...2..... and SMACK! Veronica Anderson breaks up the pin slapping Steven hard across the face.
Veronica Anderson: What is wrong with you guys?
Sleaze meanwhile grabs the championship away from Steven and hugs Veronica then parades around the room doing a victory lap with his new championship.
Sleaze: I think I love you Veronica!
Veronica Anderson: I think I hate you more than Steven.
Sleaze: But you helped me win the title! Steven didn\t get the pin!
Steven Osbourne: Hold on.. hold on.. I dispute that.
Sleaze: Because I won because Veronica cheated?
Steven Osbourne: no, I liked it. I say I won even though I didn't get a pin.
Sleaze: That's ridicious. How could you have won?
Steven smiles savouring the memory.
Steven Osbourne: Amber wasn't wearing panties.
Sleaze: What? No way!
Sleaze goes over to Amber and lifts up her skirt, then eyes downcast returns the title to Steven. Veronica sighs.
ADV: What? I only have to take them off anyways.
Veronica Anderson: I weep for your future children.
Sleaze: Why they are going to be hot!
Steven Osbourne: I'm still the sexiest man in the world, I'm still the rightful world champion, and we got to see up Amber's skirt... seems like a great day to me Sleaze!
Sleaze: And I get the night off from wrestling so I can hit the bar early!
Steven Osbourne: After Glam Man and I finish off Scorpion and Cory Arson again.. I'll join you there! Because as always everything is coming up Osbourne!
Triple Threat Match
Serbia vs. Kurt Ryan vs. Joey Trash
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"The following contest is a triple threat match scheduled for one fall Introducing first....."
"Stop to Fall" By All Faces Down hits and Kurt Ryan comes out from the back with a smile on his face. He points out to the fans before throwing up the metal horns and darting down the ramp, slapping fans outreached hands.
He slides into the ring and pops up to his feet immedietly before hopping on the top rope and throwing up the metal horns again. He points out to the crowd before doing a back flip off the top rope and landing on his feet in the middle of the ring.
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"And his opponent........"
He slides into the ring and pops up to his feet immedietly before hopping on the top rope and throwing up the metal horns again. He points out to the crowd before doing a back flip off the top rope and landing on his feet in the middle of the ring.
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"And his opponent........"
"Blue" by The Birthday Massacre echoes across the arena and the lights go dark. There is an eerie dark green light on the stage, and after the intro, the lights begin to flicker rigorously as Serbia emerges from behind the curtain, performing a seductive dance on the stage. Serbia struts down the ramp, still stroking and caressing herself as she taunts some nearby fans.
Once she reaches ringside, she seductively crawls onto the apron and slowly raises to her feet. She then wraps her legs around the top rope and hangs herself upside down facing the crowd, like a vampire, with her arms crossed around her chest and giving an evil glare to the fans. After this, she squeezes in between the ropes and climbs back to her feet. She hops onto the nearest turnbuckle and rubs her hands down her body once again before stepping back onto the mat and eyeing her opponent with a sinister stare.
Once she reaches ringside, she seductively crawls onto the apron and slowly raises to her feet. She then wraps her legs around the top rope and hangs herself upside down facing the crowd, like a vampire, with her arms crossed around her chest and giving an evil glare to the fans. After this, she squeezes in between the ropes and climbs back to her feet. She hops onto the nearest turnbuckle and rubs her hands down her body once again before stepping back onto the mat and eyeing her opponent with a sinister stare.
"Crazy Motherfucker" by Adam Bomb starts to begin and Joey Trash rushes out from the fan swinging a trash can, and yelling at fans on his way to the ring.
The Bell rings to start this match!!
DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!
Match Summary: The match started with Joey Trash firing his trash can directly at the referee who ducked then he lariated down Serbia and speared Kurt Ryan getting on top and grabbing him by the throat with his left and feeding him rights again and again. Joey was so focused on hammering Ryan that he didn't notice Serbia climbing to the top rope and knocking him off with a diving bulldog!
Serbia and Kurt then attempting to get revenge spent the next several minutes double teaming Trash finally connecting with a springboard double cross body for a near fall, and dual missile dropkicks scoring another near fall. Kurt and Serbia seemed poised to put Trash away after a double snap suplex then they both went to the top rope Serbia diving off with her reign of terror corkscrew moonsault and Kurt with his split legged moonsault only to have the Trashman roll out of the way! Joey would quickly recover slamming their heads together then executing the Trash Disposal tossing Ryan over the top rope with a press slam, then waiting until he got up tossing Serbia right on top of him. Joey would then go to the floor and grab his trash can, placing it over his own head, he would headbutt Kurt into oblivion with it then look to do the same to Serbia. However the Trash Man was unable to see Serbia's Marijuna Trip coming crushing the can against Trash's face with her impressive leg lariat. The smart ring veteran would roll Kurt Ryan back into the ring connecting with an even flow DDT followed up with the Reign of Terror for the three count as Joey dove back into the ring a moment too late to break up the pin.
Winner: Serbia via Pinfall
Match highlights: N/A
After the Match: Serbia would celebrate by hanging off the ropes vampire style again and tauning the fans before retreating to the back hands raised in victory. Afterwards Joey Trash would agrue with the referee for some reason before shooting him off the ropes and laying out the hapless official with the Fucker Fucker, his sidewalk slam into a backbreaker.
(THANKS TO Steven FOR WRITING THIS!!!)
The Bell rings to start this match!!
DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!
Match Summary: The match started with Joey Trash firing his trash can directly at the referee who ducked then he lariated down Serbia and speared Kurt Ryan getting on top and grabbing him by the throat with his left and feeding him rights again and again. Joey was so focused on hammering Ryan that he didn't notice Serbia climbing to the top rope and knocking him off with a diving bulldog!
Serbia and Kurt then attempting to get revenge spent the next several minutes double teaming Trash finally connecting with a springboard double cross body for a near fall, and dual missile dropkicks scoring another near fall. Kurt and Serbia seemed poised to put Trash away after a double snap suplex then they both went to the top rope Serbia diving off with her reign of terror corkscrew moonsault and Kurt with his split legged moonsault only to have the Trashman roll out of the way! Joey would quickly recover slamming their heads together then executing the Trash Disposal tossing Ryan over the top rope with a press slam, then waiting until he got up tossing Serbia right on top of him. Joey would then go to the floor and grab his trash can, placing it over his own head, he would headbutt Kurt into oblivion with it then look to do the same to Serbia. However the Trash Man was unable to see Serbia's Marijuna Trip coming crushing the can against Trash's face with her impressive leg lariat. The smart ring veteran would roll Kurt Ryan back into the ring connecting with an even flow DDT followed up with the Reign of Terror for the three count as Joey dove back into the ring a moment too late to break up the pin.
Winner: Serbia via Pinfall
Match highlights: N/A
After the Match: Serbia would celebrate by hanging off the ropes vampire style again and tauning the fans before retreating to the back hands raised in victory. Afterwards Joey Trash would agrue with the referee for some reason before shooting him off the ropes and laying out the hapless official with the Fucker Fucker, his sidewalk slam into a backbreaker.
(THANKS TO Steven FOR WRITING THIS!!!)
Segment
The Trash Can Episode 1
The camera catches up with Joey Trash who in spite of his recent loss has a big smile on his face. He sits down on top of his garbage can and begins to speak.
Joey Trash: Welcome to the first ever edition of The Trash Can. Where The Trashcan trashes anyone who deserves it. First candiate for trashing.. Serbia. First get one thing straight fucker. You never beat me! You took advantage of my hard work and pinned that other fucker Kurt Ryan. I already trashed him, you got lucky enough to knock me down for a few seconds and pin him. If that's a win you're a pile of trash! I would trash you right now but there's someone who deserves trashing even more! That stupid fucking referee!
Joey stands up looking enraged picking up his garbage can.
Joey Trash: Where does that punk get off trying to enforce the rules? Nobody tells Joey Trash what to do! That idiot just got in my way and cost me the match! The whole time I was trying to pin he couldn't figure out how to count to three! That moron couldn't do anything right! Except take the Fucker fucker! I trashed him but good! But that's not good enough! I'll show him what happens when you try to make Joey Trash follow your rules!
Joey kicks open the door of the nearest locker room, which happens to be the medic's room. He quickly levels the two medics in the room with his trash can then grabs the stretcher that was holding the helpless referee and wheels it the hall.
Joey Trash: You wanted to fuck with the Trashman? I'll show you what happens when you mess with me! You think the rules can stop me? Nothing stops Joey Trash!
Joey drives the stretcher through the doors outside of the arena and starts to run picking up steam and drives it hard into the dumpster knocking the screaming official off the stretcher and onto the cement. Joey then silences him by curb stomping the ref onto the curb.
Joey Trash: My opponents can't stop me! The rules can't stop me! This is the era of trash! And you.. you..
Joey grabs the referee by the throat and tosses him into the dumpster!
Joey Trash: You have just been trashed!
Joey Trash: Welcome to the first ever edition of The Trash Can. Where The Trashcan trashes anyone who deserves it. First candiate for trashing.. Serbia. First get one thing straight fucker. You never beat me! You took advantage of my hard work and pinned that other fucker Kurt Ryan. I already trashed him, you got lucky enough to knock me down for a few seconds and pin him. If that's a win you're a pile of trash! I would trash you right now but there's someone who deserves trashing even more! That stupid fucking referee!
Joey stands up looking enraged picking up his garbage can.
Joey Trash: Where does that punk get off trying to enforce the rules? Nobody tells Joey Trash what to do! That idiot just got in my way and cost me the match! The whole time I was trying to pin he couldn't figure out how to count to three! That moron couldn't do anything right! Except take the Fucker fucker! I trashed him but good! But that's not good enough! I'll show him what happens when you try to make Joey Trash follow your rules!
Joey kicks open the door of the nearest locker room, which happens to be the medic's room. He quickly levels the two medics in the room with his trash can then grabs the stretcher that was holding the helpless referee and wheels it the hall.
Joey Trash: You wanted to fuck with the Trashman? I'll show you what happens when you mess with me! You think the rules can stop me? Nothing stops Joey Trash!
Joey drives the stretcher through the doors outside of the arena and starts to run picking up steam and drives it hard into the dumpster knocking the screaming official off the stretcher and onto the cement. Joey then silences him by curb stomping the ref onto the curb.
Joey Trash: My opponents can't stop me! The rules can't stop me! This is the era of trash! And you.. you..
Joey grabs the referee by the throat and tosses him into the dumpster!
Joey Trash: You have just been trashed!
Singles Match
Aurora vs. Jacob Cass
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"The following contest is scheduled for one fall!! Introducing first...."
"I Am" By Dale Oliver hits and Jacob Cass comes out from the back with a hood covering his head. He walks to the edge of the ramp and crouches down. He sits in that position for a moment before tossing his hood off and spreading his arms out to the sides. The crowd boos as he simply walks down the ramp with a cocky smirk on his face.
he comes to the ring and slides in before popping to his feet and throwing his arms to the sides again as the crowd showers him with loud boos and hatred. He simply shrugs and takes off his ring jacket before waiting for the bell.
"Mr Cool" Charles Madden:"And his opponent......"
he comes to the ring and slides in before popping to his feet and throwing his arms to the sides again as the crowd showers him with loud boos and hatred. He simply shrugs and takes off his ring jacket before waiting for the bell.
"Mr Cool" Charles Madden:"And his opponent......"
Just gold" by Mando Pony blasts through the speakers of the arena as Aurora walks out onto the ramp. A cold smirk covers her painted lips as she looks left and right, taking in the crowd before walking halfway down the ramp. Striking a quick pose pyrotechnics hit at the top of the stage bringing a glow of purple around her before she continues down the ramp occasionally hitting the hands of a few fans along the way that happen to strike her interest that week.
Circling the ring she then slides under the ropes in front of the commentators before going to the nearest turn buckle razing both hands in the air. She stands there basking in the reaction from the fans before then jumping down and leaning against the ropes awaiting her opponent. She never moves her eyes from the ramp as the beam of light against her face gives an almost eerie aura to the painted features staring ahead.
The Bell rings to start this match!!
DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!
Match Summery: The bell sounds as a face off begins between the two opponents, Aurora stares daggers towards Cass who is showing a smirk and leaning against the ropes with no worries that the match has already started. Aurora begins shouting at Cass, trying her best to get him to come at her but it does no good as she knows she’s going to have to do this herself. Rebounding off the ropes she runs at Jacob who, anticipating her move, falls to the mat pulling the ropes with him sending Aurora tumbling to the outside and landing hard on the ground. A loud disapproval from the crowd thunders around the arena as Cass basks in the sound before holding his hands up and rolling out of the ring. Going to pick up Aurora she turns the tables, catching him with a hard hit to the stomach that causes him to stumble back slightly. Seeing her opening she wastes no time in doing a quick drop quick to the knees bringing Cass to the ground face first. Still not fully satisfied with the results she walks up onto the ring apron, waiting for Jacob to move back to his feet, doing as predicted she takes her chance as she leaps off the apron connection with a somersault plancha, taking Cass back down as it’s clear Yakima has been doing a lot of training with her. Knowing she isn’t able to lift the deadweight of Cass back into the ring she swiftly rolls into the ring letting the ref start a ten count. 1…2…3…4…5…Cass moves to his knees and is able to grab the bottom rope, pulling himself into the ring as to Aurora’s delight the smirk is no longer present.
As the match progresses Aurora lost her momentum after the shots she got in only happened to anger Cass to the point of relentlessly assaulting Aurora to the point where she was having a hard time pulling herself to her feet in the corner. Not allowing her to catch her breath Cass runs at full speed towards the now partially standing Aurora connecting with a corner splash that sends her to her knees, still not pleased Cass picks Aurora back up by the hair, pinning her in the corner as he connects with a series of elbows before the ref yells at him to back off. As he does Aurora falls to the mat, trying her best to catch her breath as Jacob pulls her away from the corner, mounting her and hitting another chain of hits before climbing the turnbuckle. Taunting the crowd he leaps going for the “10 star frog splash”, Aurora just barely gets her knees up, causing Cass to be the one to fall to the mat grabbing his chest from the impact as she gains enough strength to pull herself over him in a pin. He kicks out at two as she hits the mat in frustration. The crowd begins to cheer for the beaten and tired Aurora as she finds the ability to turn the tables, mounting Cass and relaying her own vicious line of punches until she’s forced to move by the ref. Finding her opponent down enough for her liking she climbs the turnbuckle, looking out into the crowd before leaping off and connecting with the “Aurora Borealis” as she hooks the leg for the pin. 1..2..3…
Winner: Aurora via Pinfall
Match Highlights: N/A
After Match: The bell sounds as Aurora moves off of Cass, a large smile across her lips as she struggles to get to her feet, she stands long enough for her hand to be raised before she looks down at Cass who is beginning to get to his knees. She blows him a kiss, angering him as she falls to her knees and rolls out of the ring before walking to the back leaving the angered Cass in the ring as he argues with the ref. Finally he leaves the ring shouting at the fans as he does before he too disappears backstage.
(THANKS TO CHELSEA FOR WRITING THIS!!!)
Circling the ring she then slides under the ropes in front of the commentators before going to the nearest turn buckle razing both hands in the air. She stands there basking in the reaction from the fans before then jumping down and leaning against the ropes awaiting her opponent. She never moves her eyes from the ramp as the beam of light against her face gives an almost eerie aura to the painted features staring ahead.
The Bell rings to start this match!!
DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!
Match Summery: The bell sounds as a face off begins between the two opponents, Aurora stares daggers towards Cass who is showing a smirk and leaning against the ropes with no worries that the match has already started. Aurora begins shouting at Cass, trying her best to get him to come at her but it does no good as she knows she’s going to have to do this herself. Rebounding off the ropes she runs at Jacob who, anticipating her move, falls to the mat pulling the ropes with him sending Aurora tumbling to the outside and landing hard on the ground. A loud disapproval from the crowd thunders around the arena as Cass basks in the sound before holding his hands up and rolling out of the ring. Going to pick up Aurora she turns the tables, catching him with a hard hit to the stomach that causes him to stumble back slightly. Seeing her opening she wastes no time in doing a quick drop quick to the knees bringing Cass to the ground face first. Still not fully satisfied with the results she walks up onto the ring apron, waiting for Jacob to move back to his feet, doing as predicted she takes her chance as she leaps off the apron connection with a somersault plancha, taking Cass back down as it’s clear Yakima has been doing a lot of training with her. Knowing she isn’t able to lift the deadweight of Cass back into the ring she swiftly rolls into the ring letting the ref start a ten count. 1…2…3…4…5…Cass moves to his knees and is able to grab the bottom rope, pulling himself into the ring as to Aurora’s delight the smirk is no longer present.
As the match progresses Aurora lost her momentum after the shots she got in only happened to anger Cass to the point of relentlessly assaulting Aurora to the point where she was having a hard time pulling herself to her feet in the corner. Not allowing her to catch her breath Cass runs at full speed towards the now partially standing Aurora connecting with a corner splash that sends her to her knees, still not pleased Cass picks Aurora back up by the hair, pinning her in the corner as he connects with a series of elbows before the ref yells at him to back off. As he does Aurora falls to the mat, trying her best to catch her breath as Jacob pulls her away from the corner, mounting her and hitting another chain of hits before climbing the turnbuckle. Taunting the crowd he leaps going for the “10 star frog splash”, Aurora just barely gets her knees up, causing Cass to be the one to fall to the mat grabbing his chest from the impact as she gains enough strength to pull herself over him in a pin. He kicks out at two as she hits the mat in frustration. The crowd begins to cheer for the beaten and tired Aurora as she finds the ability to turn the tables, mounting Cass and relaying her own vicious line of punches until she’s forced to move by the ref. Finding her opponent down enough for her liking she climbs the turnbuckle, looking out into the crowd before leaping off and connecting with the “Aurora Borealis” as she hooks the leg for the pin. 1..2..3…
Winner: Aurora via Pinfall
Match Highlights: N/A
After Match: The bell sounds as Aurora moves off of Cass, a large smile across her lips as she struggles to get to her feet, she stands long enough for her hand to be raised before she looks down at Cass who is beginning to get to his knees. She blows him a kiss, angering him as she falls to her knees and rolls out of the ring before walking to the back leaving the angered Cass in the ring as he argues with the ref. Finally he leaves the ring shouting at the fans as he does before he too disappears backstage.
(THANKS TO CHELSEA FOR WRITING THIS!!!)
Segment
Choices
VIOLET: Dick, why is there a box of crayons on our desk?
DICK: I dunno. I thought YOU brought them.
VIOLET: .....
DICK: Don't worry. I'm sure that there's a sound reason for them being here.
("Oops!....I Did It Again!" blares over the PA. Bubbles begin to descend from the rafters as yellow pyros blast from either side of the stage. Right on cue, Mr. Happy emerges, holding a folder with evil smiley faced stickers plastered all over it. Waving at the fine fans of the HWA, he walks towards the ring, laboriously rolling under the bottom rope. Getting to his feet, he holds up a finger as if to ask for a moment as he doubles over, catching his breath. After a moment, he calls for a mic.)
VIOLET: I should've known. Someone call security.
HAPPY: Well howdy do, buckaroos! It's good to be here. I have a couple of things I'd like to do while I have a moment.
The first is to properly introduce myself. For those that don't know much about me, my name is Mr. Jack B. Happy. I'm the man with the wiggle and the giggle, the mirth and the girth, the thunderous thighs and the bovine backside.
For those that do know me, the last time I was around a ring, I was not in a good state of mind. Yeah, I was kinda out there. Anywhos, 69 weeks of therapy later, I want you all to know that Jack is indeed Back in Ha-Ha Land. Things are coming together like a big, beautiful, burrito.
However, I don't want to get ahead of myself. Violet, I made a mistake last week. Please come to the ring, and if you would, I need that box of crayons. Please come join me in the ring. I owe you a big apology.
VIOLET: That's what I'm talking about. Better late than never I suppose.
(Taking the 64 count box of Crayons to the ring, she hands them to him and crosses her arms expectantly waiting to hear the words...)
HAPPY: Thank you, Violet. I'm so sorry I jumped the gun and did the whole Team MOORE DICK thing. I got ahead of myself and I hope you can forgive me for the atrocity.
VIOLET: Well I'll think about-
HAPPY: Yeah, I mean, it's all about choices right?
VIOLET: What are you talking about?
HAPPY: The second reason why I'm here.
VIOLET: What?
HAPPY: Here, put on these HappyShades. Don't worry, it'll take some getting used to, but in the end, you'll see things a lot clearer.
(Jack takes the shades resting on the top of his head and hands them over. Reluctantly, Violet puts them on. She flinches...)
HAPPY: Yup, I do that all the time too.
VIOLET: I...I can't see anything.
HAPPY: Guess you're in the dark again.
VIOLET: You bastard! Take these off of me!
HAPPY: So you're needing help in getting off?
(Violet contines to wander around the ring, much to the amusement of the fans.)
HAPPY: As I was saying, there is another reason why I'm here and that is about CHOICE. See, we all have choices to make every day. Why, just this morning, I had to choose what pair of edible undies I should wear. Do I go Peppermint and Pepperoni or Strawberry and Sausage flavored? That was a tough decision indeed!
So, Violet, I kinda jumped the gun last week. I just crowned you guys Team MOORE DICK. I shouldn't have done that. I should've given the great fans here in the HWA a choice. Do you people want a choice?
(Crowd pops)
HAPPY: Okay then. Take to social media!!!! Hashtag #HWAAnnouncer'sTeamName and vote. On the one hand we have Team MOORE DICK. Quite catchy if you ask me. Of course, since Violet wants a choice, let's see.....I got it. On the other hand we have Team VD! Happy now Violet?
(Violet runs into a turnbuckle and gets woozy.)
HAPPY: Don't worry, Violet, I'm about to leave.
(Even though she's woozy, we can see her smile weakly.)
HAPPY: I just have to sign something. You see, the HWA gave me this official looking paper they want me to sign. What's it called again? Hold on, lemme open up my folder and look.
(Pulling out the paper, the camera zooms in on it and the crowd pops).
HAPPY: Oh yeah. That's the word I couldn't think of. CONTRACT. Well, it's not official unless I sign it in perriwinkle. There we go. Thanks Violet. Oh, I need those HappyShades back.
(Gently, Mr. Happy takes the shades off a now-distraught Violet. As soon as she can see again, she flinches once more as Jack smiles at her. Her sudden movement, though, causes him to flinch and his massive lovehandles smack her, sending her crashing to the floor. Reaching down, he offers her a hand up, to which she slaps away. Shrugging, Mr. Happy waves to the audience once again before he contemplates how to get of the ring. Nodding, he rolls under the bottom rope and crashes to the floor. Picking himself back up, he dusts himself off and strolls up the ramp and to the back.)
DICK: I dunno. I thought YOU brought them.
VIOLET: .....
DICK: Don't worry. I'm sure that there's a sound reason for them being here.
("Oops!....I Did It Again!" blares over the PA. Bubbles begin to descend from the rafters as yellow pyros blast from either side of the stage. Right on cue, Mr. Happy emerges, holding a folder with evil smiley faced stickers plastered all over it. Waving at the fine fans of the HWA, he walks towards the ring, laboriously rolling under the bottom rope. Getting to his feet, he holds up a finger as if to ask for a moment as he doubles over, catching his breath. After a moment, he calls for a mic.)
VIOLET: I should've known. Someone call security.
HAPPY: Well howdy do, buckaroos! It's good to be here. I have a couple of things I'd like to do while I have a moment.
The first is to properly introduce myself. For those that don't know much about me, my name is Mr. Jack B. Happy. I'm the man with the wiggle and the giggle, the mirth and the girth, the thunderous thighs and the bovine backside.
For those that do know me, the last time I was around a ring, I was not in a good state of mind. Yeah, I was kinda out there. Anywhos, 69 weeks of therapy later, I want you all to know that Jack is indeed Back in Ha-Ha Land. Things are coming together like a big, beautiful, burrito.
However, I don't want to get ahead of myself. Violet, I made a mistake last week. Please come to the ring, and if you would, I need that box of crayons. Please come join me in the ring. I owe you a big apology.
VIOLET: That's what I'm talking about. Better late than never I suppose.
(Taking the 64 count box of Crayons to the ring, she hands them to him and crosses her arms expectantly waiting to hear the words...)
HAPPY: Thank you, Violet. I'm so sorry I jumped the gun and did the whole Team MOORE DICK thing. I got ahead of myself and I hope you can forgive me for the atrocity.
VIOLET: Well I'll think about-
HAPPY: Yeah, I mean, it's all about choices right?
VIOLET: What are you talking about?
HAPPY: The second reason why I'm here.
VIOLET: What?
HAPPY: Here, put on these HappyShades. Don't worry, it'll take some getting used to, but in the end, you'll see things a lot clearer.
(Jack takes the shades resting on the top of his head and hands them over. Reluctantly, Violet puts them on. She flinches...)
HAPPY: Yup, I do that all the time too.
VIOLET: I...I can't see anything.
HAPPY: Guess you're in the dark again.
VIOLET: You bastard! Take these off of me!
HAPPY: So you're needing help in getting off?
(Violet contines to wander around the ring, much to the amusement of the fans.)
HAPPY: As I was saying, there is another reason why I'm here and that is about CHOICE. See, we all have choices to make every day. Why, just this morning, I had to choose what pair of edible undies I should wear. Do I go Peppermint and Pepperoni or Strawberry and Sausage flavored? That was a tough decision indeed!
So, Violet, I kinda jumped the gun last week. I just crowned you guys Team MOORE DICK. I shouldn't have done that. I should've given the great fans here in the HWA a choice. Do you people want a choice?
(Crowd pops)
HAPPY: Okay then. Take to social media!!!! Hashtag #HWAAnnouncer'sTeamName and vote. On the one hand we have Team MOORE DICK. Quite catchy if you ask me. Of course, since Violet wants a choice, let's see.....I got it. On the other hand we have Team VD! Happy now Violet?
(Violet runs into a turnbuckle and gets woozy.)
HAPPY: Don't worry, Violet, I'm about to leave.
(Even though she's woozy, we can see her smile weakly.)
HAPPY: I just have to sign something. You see, the HWA gave me this official looking paper they want me to sign. What's it called again? Hold on, lemme open up my folder and look.
(Pulling out the paper, the camera zooms in on it and the crowd pops).
HAPPY: Oh yeah. That's the word I couldn't think of. CONTRACT. Well, it's not official unless I sign it in perriwinkle. There we go. Thanks Violet. Oh, I need those HappyShades back.
(Gently, Mr. Happy takes the shades off a now-distraught Violet. As soon as she can see again, she flinches once more as Jack smiles at her. Her sudden movement, though, causes him to flinch and his massive lovehandles smack her, sending her crashing to the floor. Reaching down, he offers her a hand up, to which she slaps away. Shrugging, Mr. Happy waves to the audience once again before he contemplates how to get of the ring. Nodding, he rolls under the bottom rope and crashes to the floor. Picking himself back up, he dusts himself off and strolls up the ramp and to the back.)
Main Event
Tag Team Match
Cory Arson & Scorpion vs. Steven Osbourne & Glam Man
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"It is now time for your main event of the evening! It is a tag team match scheduled for one fall!! Introducing first....."
"Fever For the Flava" by Hot Action Cop starts to play and Steven Osbourne slowly walks through the curtain prolonging his entrance for suspense reasons. As he makes his way to the ring he mugs for the camera and for the ladies as he struts, moon walks, and flexes generally making a spectacle of himself. Around his waist he is wearing the HWA World Heavyweight Championship. As well he gets his unpaid intern Amber Del Vallee to take pictures of him with pretty girls on her cell phone and jot down numbers he gets, likely incorrectly. His manager Veronica Anderson tries to get him to focus and plan some last minute strategy before he finally makes it to the ring.
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"And his tag team partner....."
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"And his tag team partner....."
The crowd falls silent as the lights dim out. After a few seconds the crowd become restless until the start of "Fractured" by Taproot cracks through the speakers at a high volume. The Glam Mans entrance video plays on the TitanTron as he slowly struts out with his arms spread out either side of him holding a beer in each hand. The crowd reacts loudly with a mixture of boos and cheers as Glammy continues on his path towards the ring, chugging away at both his beers. As he gets closer to the ring, Glammy starts to get slightly distracted by women at ringside, teasing himself towards them.
After finishing both beers simultaneously, Glammy throws both beer bottles into the crowd as he steps into the ring. Once inside, Glammy stands in the middle of the ring with a grin on his face looking towards the ramp, eagerly awaiting his next victim.
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"And their opponents......."
After finishing both beers simultaneously, Glammy throws both beer bottles into the crowd as he steps into the ring. Once inside, Glammy stands in the middle of the ring with a grin on his face looking towards the ramp, eagerly awaiting his next victim.
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"And their opponents......."
"Set Up" By Drowning Pool and after the intro the lights turn to dark red. Dr. Crane comes out from the back with Scorpion behind walking slowly. They walk down the ramp, ignoring the rest of the world.
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"Hailing from Deathport, Pennsylvania, standing 6 foot 10 inches tall, weighing in at 320 pounds, accompanied to the ring by Dr. Crane, he is Punisher of Darkness, this is SCORRRRRRPPPPIIIOOOOONNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!"
Scorpion puts his hands on the top rope and pulls himself up on the ring apron. He steps over the top rope and gets into the ring. He walks to the middle of the ring and stands there for a moment before looking up slowly as fire explodes from the corners. He stares down the camera and waits for the match to begin as Dr. Crane walks over to the corner.
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"And his tag team partner..........."
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"Hailing from Deathport, Pennsylvania, standing 6 foot 10 inches tall, weighing in at 320 pounds, accompanied to the ring by Dr. Crane, he is Punisher of Darkness, this is SCORRRRRRPPPPIIIOOOOONNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!"
Scorpion puts his hands on the top rope and pulls himself up on the ring apron. He steps over the top rope and gets into the ring. He walks to the middle of the ring and stands there for a moment before looking up slowly as fire explodes from the corners. He stares down the camera and waits for the match to begin as Dr. Crane walks over to the corner.
"Mr. Cool" Charles Madden:"And his tag team partner..........."
"ask about me" By ice cube and the lights go out. The song plays out and as the beat drops fireworks explode. red and white lasers and lights turn on and Cory arson raises from the stage in a boxing robe on. on the back of the robe it says "poppa don't take no mess". Cory stands with his arms folded with a smirk spread across his face. then he walks down the stage running his mouth to the fans.
when he gets to the ring he walks up the steps and stands on the side of the turnbuckle. He stands on the turnbuckle and throws one arm up and looks around the arena.
The Bell rings to start this match!!
DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!
Match Summery: As the bell rings Arson and Glam Man stand face to face. The crowd cheers for the Champions as they lock up. Arson pushes him back into the corner and holds him as the referee tries to back Arson up. Arson does, but not before landing a stiff right to the gut of Glam Man. Arson laughs as he backs off. Glam Man comes out of the corner as they circle again. They lock up and Arson gets a headlock on Glam Man. But Glam Man, being a ring veteran, quickly reverses this and transitions into a wrist lock. He applies pressure, but Arson being smart does a cartwheel and reverses the hold into a wrist lock of his own before getting in a headlock. Glam Man takes him to the ropes before whipping him off and trying for a big boot! Arson slides underneath and pops to his feet before nailing a huge dropkick! He covers, but only gets a 1 count. Arson locks in a seated headlock before yelling towards the crowd.
Glam Man has gotten the tag and we have Osbourne in with Scorpion. he is being pummeled in the corner by the monster and looks to have no chance of survival. Steven, out of desperation, rolls under a big punch and as the big man turns around he tries for a roll up with his feet on the ropes. Arson comes in the ring and kicks Stevens feet off the ropes as the ref almost makes the 3! Both men are face to face as Arson shoves Steven. Steven retaliates with a huge shove as Arson comes back with a lariat, but Steven ducks! As Steven ducks Glam Man leaps off the top rope with a missile Dropkick, taking Arson out of the ring. Scorpion is up as he grabs hold of Glam Man by the throat and shoves him out of the ring. Steven tries for a sunset flip, but Scorpion doesn't go down. he attempts to squish Steven by sitting out, but Steven slides out of the way and Scorpion lands ass first on the mat. Steven rebounds off the ropes and comes back with a stiff leg lariat, taking the monster down! He covers, but only gets a 2 count. Steven grabs the monster by the hair and attempts to lift him up, but Steven cannot as Scorpion grabs him around the throat and tries to chokeslam him. Arson comes in the ring and the referee is distracted as Steven gets out and floats behind Scorpion before nailing him in the groin with the "Eliminating the Competition" kick! Steven exits the ring and when Scorpion turns around he only sees Arson standing in the ring. Scorpion immedietly grabs Arson and attempts to go for a chokeslam, but Arson slips out of the way and rakes the eyes of the monster. He nails him with the "Jawbreaker" and turns to Steven who almost takes him out with a superkick of his own. Arson ducks and exits the ring as Steven tags in the Glam Man and nails the Monster with a superkick. Steven eyes Arson who makes his way over to the time keepers table and grabs his belt. He runs up the ramp as Scorpion catches the "Shout at the Devil" from Glam Man and covers! 1...2.....3!!
Winners: Steven Osbourne & Glam Man via Pinfall
when he gets to the ring he walks up the steps and stands on the side of the turnbuckle. He stands on the turnbuckle and throws one arm up and looks around the arena.
The Bell rings to start this match!!
DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!
Match Summery: As the bell rings Arson and Glam Man stand face to face. The crowd cheers for the Champions as they lock up. Arson pushes him back into the corner and holds him as the referee tries to back Arson up. Arson does, but not before landing a stiff right to the gut of Glam Man. Arson laughs as he backs off. Glam Man comes out of the corner as they circle again. They lock up and Arson gets a headlock on Glam Man. But Glam Man, being a ring veteran, quickly reverses this and transitions into a wrist lock. He applies pressure, but Arson being smart does a cartwheel and reverses the hold into a wrist lock of his own before getting in a headlock. Glam Man takes him to the ropes before whipping him off and trying for a big boot! Arson slides underneath and pops to his feet before nailing a huge dropkick! He covers, but only gets a 1 count. Arson locks in a seated headlock before yelling towards the crowd.
Glam Man has gotten the tag and we have Osbourne in with Scorpion. he is being pummeled in the corner by the monster and looks to have no chance of survival. Steven, out of desperation, rolls under a big punch and as the big man turns around he tries for a roll up with his feet on the ropes. Arson comes in the ring and kicks Stevens feet off the ropes as the ref almost makes the 3! Both men are face to face as Arson shoves Steven. Steven retaliates with a huge shove as Arson comes back with a lariat, but Steven ducks! As Steven ducks Glam Man leaps off the top rope with a missile Dropkick, taking Arson out of the ring. Scorpion is up as he grabs hold of Glam Man by the throat and shoves him out of the ring. Steven tries for a sunset flip, but Scorpion doesn't go down. he attempts to squish Steven by sitting out, but Steven slides out of the way and Scorpion lands ass first on the mat. Steven rebounds off the ropes and comes back with a stiff leg lariat, taking the monster down! He covers, but only gets a 2 count. Steven grabs the monster by the hair and attempts to lift him up, but Steven cannot as Scorpion grabs him around the throat and tries to chokeslam him. Arson comes in the ring and the referee is distracted as Steven gets out and floats behind Scorpion before nailing him in the groin with the "Eliminating the Competition" kick! Steven exits the ring and when Scorpion turns around he only sees Arson standing in the ring. Scorpion immedietly grabs Arson and attempts to go for a chokeslam, but Arson slips out of the way and rakes the eyes of the monster. He nails him with the "Jawbreaker" and turns to Steven who almost takes him out with a superkick of his own. Arson ducks and exits the ring as Steven tags in the Glam Man and nails the Monster with a superkick. Steven eyes Arson who makes his way over to the time keepers table and grabs his belt. He runs up the ramp as Scorpion catches the "Shout at the Devil" from Glam Man and covers! 1...2.....3!!
Winners: Steven Osbourne & Glam Man via Pinfall
Ending Segment
Arson stands on the ramp as both Glam Man and Steven Osbourne begin to celebrate. Osbourne signals that he is going to win the HWA World Heavyweight Championship as Arson clings to it tightly. Glam Man holds up his King of Hardcore Championship in the ring as both men celebrate with a beer bash! Glam Man handing beers to Steven and his valets before they all toast to the PPV and chug beers in celebration! The HWA logo comes on the screen before we exit to black, cutting the show off abruptly.